i was going to say something insensitive
but I've got bleeders to abort
How to tell when you're the worst person ever
Posted: 2 years ago
A simple checklist for you:
1) Do you, or have you ever wished to become a librarian?
2) Did you ever fufil that wish and graduate library school?
3) In a moment of utterly retarded inspiration, did you decide to celebrate your graduation by getting the Dewey Decimal System Number for the books in the Harry Potter series.
I. Fucking. Shit. You. Not.
"Beccca" has decided to ruin the rest of her adult life by doing such things. Photographic proof:
One can only assume she is American.
Best of Craigslist: What happens to your pets after the rapture?
Posted: 2 years ago
The following content was posted on craigslist, subsuquently to be moved to the 'best of craigslist' section. you can read the origional article here.
FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.
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"No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
(Matthew 24:36)
"For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
(1 Thessalonians 4:15–17)
Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.
I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.
For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.
If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!
Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.
David Duchovny Can't Be Bothered, Too Busy Getting Ass
Posted: 2 years ago
According to People Magazine, David Duchovny recently released this statement, when he checked himself into a rehab facility to treat his problem with "sex addiction".
"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction," the actor says in an exclusive statement. "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."
Ironically enough, Duchovny is fresh off the success of the first season of his Showtime Television show Californication (Official Site | IMDB) where he plays a famous author living in California who basically spends 2 minutes of every episode working and the other 27 seeking out and destroying lots of random ass, like in Episode 1 where he bangs out the under-age daughter of his ex-wife's new husband, played by the actress who was some little kid on the NBC Sitcom the Nanny in the 90s.
So basically, the show isn't really much of a stretch, considering this must, essentially, be what David Duchovny's real life is like too. Just crusin' the strip tagging it and bagging it.
Would you like some tea?
Hilarious Around the World
Posted: 2 years ago
Praise the LORD
Posted: 2 years ago
For lower gas prices apparrently.
69th said:And lo, unto moses the LORD said "Let there be a great gathering of peoples outside of what will be called 'Petrol Stations', and let these people pray to me for I shalt relieve the suffering of their wallets due to inordinatley high prices of the substance known to them as 'fuel'."
"We don't have anybody else to turn to but God, we have to turn these problems over to God and not to man." Wise words spoken by the leader of a new religious group known to some as the 'Petrol Pump Pilgrims'. Surley there is no greater casue for the LORD to resolve for us than the price of petrol.