BUTTPIE.NET: Vernand's Metal Gear Solid 4 Spoilers

Okay, so metal gear solid 4 just came out. Now it's my job to give you all the run down on why this game is awesome, and to give you the general storyline on it so you can keep up with the series. First of all, the games set in the far future, where they've developed lasers and shit, but time travel is still far beyond the reach of human hands. All human hands except one human's hands that is. That human's hands being the hands of SOLID SNAKE. Of course, by this stage in the timeline, he's like 200 years old or something, so he uses the time machine to go back in time to trade places with his grandfather, Solid Snake Snr Snr. Who then becomes Solid Snake Jnr Senior, a futuristic club DJ in a time that's not his own.

So, to start off with, the game has a really strong plot, which works quite well with how they toggled the combat system, and other systems during play. For instance, they made the combat system in MGS4 intuitive. As in, you really need to use your intuition to know when you've got to fight, and when you've got to run and hide. Which is good, because they completely removed the combat from MGS4, so it is now in essence what every hardcore diehard fanboy of Metal Gear has wanted the game to be like all along, just a giant game of hide and go seek tag. Secondly, they introduced new features into the everyday systems of MGS4, in this case, you have certain bars that effect your stats in game. One stat is the gay level. The higher your gay level, the prettier you will smell in game. To raise your gay level, you'll occasionally find bunches of flowers. Or perhaps chickens. I don't know, I'm not a florist. What you then have to do, is pin the flower, or chicken, on your combat gear in order to up your gay level, making you smell better in game. Other than that, they've introduced a revolutionary new system of "Health" and "Mana" in the forms of bars, so you can see how much damage you can take before you die, and how much magical spirit snake has to cast spells. That's not all though. Throughout the game, you'll have the option to connect to wireless internet minigames, that connect to completely different games for some reason. I don't know. I'm not Hideo Kojima. At least not yet, but that's a completely different story.

So, anyway, you start off in a club where its totally pumping, when terrorists come in and try to fuck your futuristic shit up. Knowing Solid Snake, you know what he's going to say to that... "Not up in MY HIZZY, YOU SNIZZLE?!". So you go through the game, killing terrorists, and earning credits for each terrorist you kill. If you kill a terrorist by using combo's, you get combo points which will add up your invisible status bar to give you a smackdown bonus, where you can perform snakes signature moves on them for massive damage. You really have to play up to the crowd for this to happen though, so it's something to do probably on your second run through. In any case, you'll encounter the first boss, and then the game will bring you to a small mini cut-scene in which you kill the boss. No effort, no fuss, just pretty graphics with a chicken pinned to your shirt.

All in all, MGS4 runs with their tried and true method of play by making each level past the first one a generic copy of the last level, so you shouldn't get bored. Also, you'll also see familiar characters to the old Metal Gear games, like Liquid Snake, Sniper Wolf, Revolver Ocelot, Otacon, Raiden, Kirby, and of course, a crowd favourite, Pikachu.

All and all, I'd rate this game 10 out of Orange, and recommend it to accountants and insurance salesmen everywhere. It gets the Vernand Christmas Seal of Approval.